Navigating lactation after a stillbirth or other loss is an emotionally and physically challenging journey. We firsthand know how painful it is to produce milk for a baby you didn't get to bring home. Whether you choose to suppress lactation, donate milk, or create memories, it’s important to have access to inclusive, culturally relevant resources and support. Below are tips and resources designed to support your unique experience.
Understanding Lactation After Loss
After stillbirth, infant loss, 2nd trimester miscarriage, or TFMR, your body may begin producing milk, a physical reminder of your loss that can evoke deep emotions. This response is natural and driven by hormonal changes. You have choices:
- Suppress lactation to stop milk production.
- Express milk to donate or save it for memory-making.
- Honor lactation as part of the grieving process, even if milk production stops naturally.
Tips for Suppressing Lactation
If you decide to suppress lactation, here are some effective, gentle methods:
1. Wear a supportive bra: A well-fitted bra can help minimize discomfort. Avoid binding, which may cause pain or clogged ducts. Loss Mom Tip: You will want to wear breast milk (nursing) pads as you will likely leak some milk throughout the day. Organic cotton or bamboo pads can be washed and reused.
2. Avoid nipple stimulation: Limit activities like pumping or direct stimulation to prevent further milk production. Loss Mom Tip: If you feel engorged, take a warm shower and allow the milk to gently express from your breast just enough to be less painful.
3. Cool compresses or cabbage leaves: Apply cool packs or cabbage leaves to your breasts to reduce swelling and provide relief (some moms prefer CaboCréme). Loss Mom Tip: Bags of frozen peas stuffed inside a sports bra is a practical way to reduce the pain.
4. Over-the-counter pain relief: Medications like ibuprofen can help manage discomfort and inflammation. Consult your doctor for the best option for you.
5. Herbal remedies: Sage tea or peppermint can naturally reduce milk supply. Consult a healthcare provider before use. Loss Mom Tip: Earth Mama Organics has a special soothing blend you can try called No More Milk.
Medical Support
If you experience engorgement, fever, or severe pain, consult your healthcare provider to rule out complications like mastitis (when the breast is overly filled with milk and feels hard, swollen, and tender). Though we know you are dealing with grief, you must remember to get the care you need to recover physically. Please don't delay seeking help if you feel you need it. You deserve it!
Memory Making Through Lactation
Some parents find meaning and healing in expressing milk as a way to honor their baby. Options include:
- Milk donation: Your milk can be a gift for babies whose mothers cannot produce the milk they need, particularly if they are fighting for their life in the NICU. Organizations like Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) accept donations, and some have programs specifically supporting grieving families. Find more info on La Leche League's Milk Sharing and Donation page.
Loss Mom Tip: Think about your emotional needs and what is best for your healing journey. Whatever is least worst is okay. You get to decide whether you can handle pumping and find pride or more pain in sharing your baby's milk with other families.
Considering milk donation? Watch this short video to learn about this journey.
- Creating keepsakes: Your milk can be preserved in jewelry or other mementos as a tangible reminder of your bond with your baby. (See some options here.)
- Photography or journaling: Documenting your lactation journey can be a meaningful part of your grief and healing process.
Equitable & Inclusive Resources
Access to lactation support is not always equitable, especially for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ families who often face systemic barriers in healthcare. Here are resources tailored to support BIPOC parents:
- Black Mothers’ Breastfeeding Association (BMBFA): Provides culturally relevant lactation education and peer support.
- Indigenous Milk Medicine Collective (IMMC): Offers lactation guidance centering Native families and traditions.
- La Leche League (LLL): Many local chapters have inclusive groups with diverse leaders.
- Reaching Our Sisters Everywhere (ROSE): Focuses on breastfeeding support for Black and Brown families.
Inclusive Lactation Consultants
Seek out International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) who are trauma-informed and experienced with loss. Platforms like Lactation Network can help you find providers in your area, including BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ consultants.
Emotional Support
Regardless of how you choose to manage it, lactation after loss can bring complex emotions. It’s okay to grieve, celebrate, or feel anything in between.
Connecting with others who understand your experience may help.
There are also many options for creating mementos like jewelry from your breastmilk as a keepsake, some even specifically tailored for loss parents.
Please see our Resources for Pregnancy & Infant Loss for a listing of recommended options.
Your Journey Is Valid
Every journey with lactation after stillbirth is deeply personal. Whatever choices you make—whether to suppress milk, express for donation, or simply honor your body’s changes—know that your experience matters.
If you need additional resources, support, or just someone to listen, please reach out. You are not alone. Together, we can create a world that honors every family’s journey with compassion and equity.